I can't believe it's almost been a month since I lasted posted. Things have been busy in my life, which is to be expected when you are working 3 jobs. I really thought things would settle down some after April, it did towards the end of May, but then I was just enjoying the moment so much I didn't want to take time to blog. However, here I am now just writing and thinking away. Lately I have really been trying to work on securing a job (one full time job preferably) in NC. I miss home. I came here for school, I finished school, got 3 jobs and proved I can do it, but now I'm ready. There will be things I miss about being here. I have made some connections but my family is in the south and so are my roots. You can take the girl out of the south but you can't take the south out of the girl. My dad has encouraged me multiple times to come back home. He even told me he had this feeling I was in danger. My dad is not a worrier like that and I have never heard my dad express concern the way he did when he told me that. It freaked me out really. Fortunately, I'm still kicking and nothing has happened. Thank the Lord for His protection.

I'd really like to be home by August of this year. I am not sure what God's plans are for me right now. I don't feel an urge to stay like I did a few months ago when I applied for a job in NC. I knew I would not get the job because I realized God was not finished with me here yet. However, I am not feeling that pull to stay anymore so I am wondering if that means it is time to move on. Some times it is so hard to tell with God. I wish He would just stick a post it note on my door for me with a list and time frame of the things He would like me to accomplish. I suppose that would kind of remove the whole "Having Faith" concept. I want to trust God and I feel I have gotten better at it (depending on the day) but it is hard sometimes because you don't want to make a mistake and leave and be out of God's will and you don't want to make the mistake and stay and be out of God's will. It's tough but that's when I just pray and say whatever God. Whatever and whenever. A few months ago I kept looking for a "sign" every time something happened I would think maybe that's a sign I should go, or perhaps that means I should stay. Finally, I just gave up and I told God it was ridiculous for me to search for signs and I was done driving myself crazy looking for signs from Him and when He got ready He would let me know when it was time to move on. Looking for signs was just too much. It became overwhelming because everything contradicted each other. One really great day at church, but then a really rough day at work, then the next week it might be completely reversed. It was just too much. I had to give it up or I was going to drive myself insane!

The great thing about God is He will let us know, we just have to make sure we are listening. Sometimes we talk to God so much that we never shut up long enough to hear what He has to say. Just like Elijah, God does not always speak in the loud wind or the thunder or the earthquake. God speaks in a still small voice and if you are not quiet then you will miss it. Ya see, God gave ya 2 ears and one mouth for a reason. We should be listening twice as much as we speak. Easier said than done, I know, believe me I KNOW!! However, if we are seeking God's guidance it is what is required.

However, sometimes it just don't matter to God. I am not saying He doesn't care, because of course He cares, but sometimes it don't matter to Him what job we work or where we live or even what church we attend. As long as He is still 1st in our lives and follow Him whole heartedly then He is pleased. I believe there are times when God has one specific path for us, where as other times I believe there may be several paths and God just says take the one you want because I am going to bless you wherever you go. These are sometimes the most difficult ones because we not only have to trust God but we must also trust ourselves. I don't know about you but that's a scary thought for me. Trusting God is one thing but trusting myself is a different story. When I find myself feeling overwhelmed with the thought of having to make a decision for my own life i like to practice some reverse psychology on myself. I flip it around and tell myself how privileged I am that God would trust me enough to make my choice. God has confidence in me that I am not going to totally ruin my life and believes whatever choice I make, I will always keep Him 1st. It always makes me feel more confident and better able to make a decision.

So next time you are stuck with a choice and/or seeking God's guidance be sure to get quiet, listen for God's still small voice and trust yourself to make the right decision. :) Good luck