Just because I am single doesn't mean I am out looking to change that status. I like being single. I like being able to do what I want to do when I want to do it, without worrying about making sure I spend the right amount of time with someone. I like being able to go and eat whatever I'm in the mood for. It's awesome to be able to go and watch the movie I want to watch, every time, did I mention, every time. I get out of my car and I go to wherever I need to go. I walk in stores and down the sidewalks and never have to wait on anyone. I don't have to change my pace to match someone else's. No slowing down or speeding up. I walk what is comfortable for me. I get the couch, the bed, and the chair all to myself. I don't have to share or scoot over for anyone. Plus, I don't have to deal with issues. After spending all day listening to other's problems (which I don't mind at all) I get to spend my free time relaxing and processing my own thoughts, problems, concerns, etc. I don't have to spend my free time listening to my significant other complaining. I don't have to cuddle, hold hands or sit close to anyone, which is a huge plus for me because I am not a physical touch person.
Don't get me wrong, I am not against relationships. I know there are plenty of people out there who are in great relationships and they are happy. That's great. However, I do have a problem when people feel they need to be in a relationship. Just because you are single doesn't me there is something wrong with you. Single is not a disease and being single doesn't make you less of a person. I feel society puts so much pressure making it as if being single is something to be avoided. People get in relationships just to avoid feeling socially unaccepted. Or perhaps it's to avoid being asked those really annoying and dumb questions. You know to what questions I am referring. The questions like, "When are you planning on getting married?" Oh yeah because I have the date all planned out, the weeding cake is ordered, the flowers are on hold, and the church is booked, all I need is a groom. Sorry people, but typically you get the groom first then you plan the wedding. If I say I don't want to get married then people respond "Oh you'll change your mind with that special someone comes along." Ok well since I haven't met that special someone yet, I am not planning on getting married. If I happen to meet some special someone and I change my mind about marriage then fine. However, I am not going to just sit around all day and wonder when that might happen. Neither am I going to date every wrong guy out there until I do find someone I might consider marrying.
Or how about this one, "what's a pretty girl like you doing without a boyfriend?" Because I don't want one, especially one who thinks that's a good pickup line. Here's my favorite (please note sarcasm) "You're too pretty not to get married." What?!?! Since when did looks make a solid, trusting relationship? When did looks become the deciding factor as to whether you should marry or not? I might have a pretty face to someone now, but unfortunately, all the tucks, reworks, lifts, and surgeries in the world won't keep me looking this young forever. Looks have nothing to do with getting married. It may be one of the reasons why you first start talking to someone but it won't hold together a relationship.
I am happy just being myself and enjoying being with me. If one day I choose to share my life with someone then fine but it will be when I am ready, not just because society thinks I should be married by now. I want to live my life on my terms not how others think I should live. My life and right now I am quite happy to say I am single but not available.
Friday, June 17, 2011
Judges 2
On to Judges chapter 2.
Chapter 1 ended with the failure of the Isrealites to drive out the people from the land they were promised. Chapter 2 begins with an Angel coming to speak to the people of Israel. The Angel rebuked the Israelites for not keeping their covenant with Him and not driving out the people from the land or tearing down the altars of the false gods in the land. The Angel continues by telling the Israelites that because they did not drive out the people that they would be a thorn in their side and be a trap for them (Something which Joshua warned them about in Joshua 17) Well the Israelites wept loudly and offered a sacrifice to the Lord and that was it. There is no record the Israelites went and fixed the problem. They didn't drive out the people (which some of them they had made covenants with so that would have been breaking their word) and they did not tear down the altars of the false gods. The Angel just told you how upset God is that you did not follow His commands, tells you what the problem is, and ya still don't fix it. That's not true repentance. The weeping loudly was not from feeling guilty for their mistakes it was because they got busted. The saying applies, You're not sorry ya did it, you're sorry you got caught. If they were truly sorry then they would have left the place and immediately attempted to rectify the problem.
Then there is a record of Joshua's death and how the people lived for the Lord while Joshua was alive and the elders who lived past him. Then it says the generation after them rose up and did not know the Lord or the works He had done?!?!?!?!?!?! What?!?!?!? An entire generation who grew up without hearing the stories of God's deliverance, miracles, and commands? How could this be? How could a generation grow up without hearing the stories? Sadly this happens all too often. We fail to pass along the important stories which changed our lives. That and too often people don't care enough to listen to the stories. Still an entire generation growing up without knowing the works of the Lord. It is so sad to think how the Israelites failed to teach their children about God and all He had done for them. How can they know where they are going if they have no clue where they have been? They missed out on the rich history which made them the nation they were. I could go on and on about this because I find it so sad that this happened and is still happening, but I am sure my point is made, It's sad and it's wrong.
The generation which did not know the works of the Lord did evil in God's site and began to worship false gods. The bible says they abandoned the Lord, the God of their fathers. The God who brought them out of Egypt. The God who helped them take possession of the land they were promised. They began to worship the gods of those who were around them. Most likely all of those whom they did not drive out of the land. They became a snare and trap for the Israelites just like the Angel and Joshua said they would.
Well as could be predicted this did not make God happy. He removed his protection from Israel so when other nations attacked them, they were able to over come Israel. However, because God is a merciful God who gives us chance after chance, He raised up judges to deliver the Israelites from the oppression of the other nations. Sadly, the people of Israel did not listen to the Judges, instead the bible says they prostituted themselves to other gods and bowed down before them. The bible says they quickly turned from the ways of their fathers. Quickly. This was not something Israel wrestled with. It makes it sound as if they possibly didn't even put up a fight. Then God would raise up another judge who would deliver the people and things were ok until that judge died then the Israelites would act even more corrupt than before. It was sad and ugly cycle. Chapter 2 ends with the Lord telling Israel He would no linger drive out the other nations from the promised land because the Israelites had broken their covenant with God. All the land could have been theirs if they had only listened to God. In fact, the whole land could have been theirs and God would have gone with them to fight their battles, but because they did not keep their covenant God would not keep His.
Chapter 1 ended with the failure of the Isrealites to drive out the people from the land they were promised. Chapter 2 begins with an Angel coming to speak to the people of Israel. The Angel rebuked the Israelites for not keeping their covenant with Him and not driving out the people from the land or tearing down the altars of the false gods in the land. The Angel continues by telling the Israelites that because they did not drive out the people that they would be a thorn in their side and be a trap for them (Something which Joshua warned them about in Joshua 17) Well the Israelites wept loudly and offered a sacrifice to the Lord and that was it. There is no record the Israelites went and fixed the problem. They didn't drive out the people (which some of them they had made covenants with so that would have been breaking their word) and they did not tear down the altars of the false gods. The Angel just told you how upset God is that you did not follow His commands, tells you what the problem is, and ya still don't fix it. That's not true repentance. The weeping loudly was not from feeling guilty for their mistakes it was because they got busted. The saying applies, You're not sorry ya did it, you're sorry you got caught. If they were truly sorry then they would have left the place and immediately attempted to rectify the problem.
Then there is a record of Joshua's death and how the people lived for the Lord while Joshua was alive and the elders who lived past him. Then it says the generation after them rose up and did not know the Lord or the works He had done?!?!?!?!?!?! What?!?!?!? An entire generation who grew up without hearing the stories of God's deliverance, miracles, and commands? How could this be? How could a generation grow up without hearing the stories? Sadly this happens all too often. We fail to pass along the important stories which changed our lives. That and too often people don't care enough to listen to the stories. Still an entire generation growing up without knowing the works of the Lord. It is so sad to think how the Israelites failed to teach their children about God and all He had done for them. How can they know where they are going if they have no clue where they have been? They missed out on the rich history which made them the nation they were. I could go on and on about this because I find it so sad that this happened and is still happening, but I am sure my point is made, It's sad and it's wrong.
The generation which did not know the works of the Lord did evil in God's site and began to worship false gods. The bible says they abandoned the Lord, the God of their fathers. The God who brought them out of Egypt. The God who helped them take possession of the land they were promised. They began to worship the gods of those who were around them. Most likely all of those whom they did not drive out of the land. They became a snare and trap for the Israelites just like the Angel and Joshua said they would.
Well as could be predicted this did not make God happy. He removed his protection from Israel so when other nations attacked them, they were able to over come Israel. However, because God is a merciful God who gives us chance after chance, He raised up judges to deliver the Israelites from the oppression of the other nations. Sadly, the people of Israel did not listen to the Judges, instead the bible says they prostituted themselves to other gods and bowed down before them. The bible says they quickly turned from the ways of their fathers. Quickly. This was not something Israel wrestled with. It makes it sound as if they possibly didn't even put up a fight. Then God would raise up another judge who would deliver the people and things were ok until that judge died then the Israelites would act even more corrupt than before. It was sad and ugly cycle. Chapter 2 ends with the Lord telling Israel He would no linger drive out the other nations from the promised land because the Israelites had broken their covenant with God. All the land could have been theirs if they had only listened to God. In fact, the whole land could have been theirs and God would have gone with them to fight their battles, but because they did not keep their covenant God would not keep His.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Judges 1
So I got this idea I might try and blog my ideas about my devotions. Well I have been reading through the bible and I am currently in Judges. Just a quick background on the book of Judges, because I do love history and I believe it helps if ya know the setting from which the book was written.
Judges was written after Joshua's death and it covers the time Israel was governed by judges. Unfortunately, the judges job was to redeem Israel from their captivity because Israel had sinned against God and been overtaken by their enemy. Judges covers about 300 years of the Israelites continually repeating a cycle of apostasy (living for themselves instead of God) suffering oppression, repentance, then God restoring the Israelites just so they could live a brief moment in God's Will then start the vicious cycle all over again. Sad.
Judges Chapter 1 opens with the Israelites asking God (which is a good thing, talking to God and seeking His Will was the right thing to do) who was to go up first to take their portion of the promised land. God picks Judah (which was the linage from which Jesus came). God says Judah is to go because I have handed the land over to him. Well Judah asks the tribe of Simeon to help them. Now I am not one to say you shouldn't ask for help, but the way I see it, God already promised to give Judah the land, what more security did they need? There may be some traditional battle customs with which I am not familiar, but strictly spiritually speaking, Judah didn't need to ask anyone else to fight with them. If God be for us, who shall be against us? (Romans 8:31). It was nice of Simeon to fight with their brothers but they should have been encouraging Judah to trust God and believe He will keep His word (after all He kept His word regarding delivering them from the hands of the Egyptians, He kept his word about getting them to the place where they currently were, why would God all of the sudden stop there?)
On the flip side, When going into battle, it never hurts to take as many warriors with you as you can right? Ecclesiastes 4:8-10 talks about how 2 are better than one because they are their to help each other. Perhaps I should have mentioned earlier, I am an analyzer and I like to look at all sides of the story. So which one is correct? Only God knows the hearts and the intentions of Judah and Simeon when they chose to fight together. If they chose to fight together because they did not believe God would be enough then they were wrong. If they chose to fight together because they wanted to support each other and help out each other then way to show the love bros. Who knows there reasons for fighting together. Perhaps we should give them the benefit of the doubt especially since they did win. I would guess their intentions could not have been horribly wrong since God did allow them to win the battles.
Judah continues to fight and win and The Lord was with Judah. Then the Bible says Judah was unable to drive out those who lived in the valley because the people there had iron chariots. Now anyone who has read the bible knows God would not allow iron chariots to stop Him if He wanted to give the land to His people. My thinking is perhaps this land was not for Judah to conquer. In Joshua 17:14-18, Joshua gives Joseph's descendants the valley with the people who owned iron chariots and Joshua told them they could drive out the Canaanites despite how strong they were or how many iron chariots they owned. In Joshua 17 Joseph's decedents expressed fear and doubt at the ability to over take the valley with the iron chariot dwellers. The chapter ends with Joshua assuring Joseph's tribes that they can defeat the Canaanites living in the valley. There is no documentation describing whether they believed Joshua after his little pep talk. Once you read in Judges 1 how Judah attempted to take over that section of the land it may make you wonder if Joseph's tribes failed to trust Joshua's words. Of course, it could have also been a completely different valley with completely different group of people owning iron chariots but if God had promised that land to Judah then I fully believe He would have driven out the people. I find it sad that Joseph's tribes did not trust God enough to claim all the land they were promised.
Just on a side note, Joseph's tribes are Ephraim and Manasseh but Joshua 17 simply says Joseph's decedents so the valley was apparently promised to both tribes which means they could have fought together and they were apparently still scared. Which fighting together apparently worked for Judah and Simeon because they conquered all the areas they fought with the exception of the valley with the people who owned iron chariots and that's because that was not their land.
In verse 21 of Judges 1, it begins to describe the failure of the tribe of Benjamin. It's one verse which reads The Benjaminites failed to drive out the people who were living in the land they were promised and they live among the Benjamites still. God told the Isrealites they were to drive out the people of the land. God did not want them living among the natives because He knew they would sway the Israelites loyalty and the Israelites would begin to worship the gods of the people of the land. In the last chapter of Joshua (Joshua's farewell address) Joshua warns the people about residing with the natives of the land and intermarrying with them. He told them they would become a snare for them if they allowed them to stay. Then Joshua had the Isrealites renew their covenant with God and they promised to worship only the Lord but they failed to drive out the people with their other gods. Then there is a brief moment of success when the house of Joseph drives out the people from Bethel then it goes right back to how Manasseh, Ephraim, Zebulun, Asher, and Naphtali all failed to drive out the people from the land they were promised. that's 5 tribes out of 12 who were promised an inheritance of the land and they failed to completely claim their inheritance. Some of the tribes did force the natives to be their servants and subdued them in that manner, but that was not God's intentions. God, did not tell the Isrealites to go into the land and subdue the people and make them your slaves. He told them to go and take possession of the land and to drive out the people and stay faithful to Him.
In the spiritual realm, often times we may get tired of fighting and find ourselves willing to settle just like the Isrealites did. However, we must stand strong and push through for our complete victory because if we do not then our compromise may come back to bite us like it did the Isrealites. Eventually the Isrealites lost their land and inheritance and lived in captivity time and time again because they did not drive out the people, they settled among them (which was their first compromise) then they began to make compromises regarding their worship. Settling among the people I am sure did not appear to be that big of a deal. I imagine they figured they were strong enough in their faith they could live among idolatry and be fine. However, God knew what would happen and that is why He gave the Isrealites strict instructions to drive out the people and destroy their false gods. Israelite compromised in what they saw as one minor area. This lead to other compromises which eventually destroyed their homes, deprived them of their inheritance, and caused them to endure multiple captivities. One so seemingly innocent compromise. We must be vigilant and willing to obey God COMPLETELY because He knows what is best for us.
Judges was written after Joshua's death and it covers the time Israel was governed by judges. Unfortunately, the judges job was to redeem Israel from their captivity because Israel had sinned against God and been overtaken by their enemy. Judges covers about 300 years of the Israelites continually repeating a cycle of apostasy (living for themselves instead of God) suffering oppression, repentance, then God restoring the Israelites just so they could live a brief moment in God's Will then start the vicious cycle all over again. Sad.
Judges Chapter 1 opens with the Israelites asking God (which is a good thing, talking to God and seeking His Will was the right thing to do) who was to go up first to take their portion of the promised land. God picks Judah (which was the linage from which Jesus came). God says Judah is to go because I have handed the land over to him. Well Judah asks the tribe of Simeon to help them. Now I am not one to say you shouldn't ask for help, but the way I see it, God already promised to give Judah the land, what more security did they need? There may be some traditional battle customs with which I am not familiar, but strictly spiritually speaking, Judah didn't need to ask anyone else to fight with them. If God be for us, who shall be against us? (Romans 8:31). It was nice of Simeon to fight with their brothers but they should have been encouraging Judah to trust God and believe He will keep His word (after all He kept His word regarding delivering them from the hands of the Egyptians, He kept his word about getting them to the place where they currently were, why would God all of the sudden stop there?)
On the flip side, When going into battle, it never hurts to take as many warriors with you as you can right? Ecclesiastes 4:8-10 talks about how 2 are better than one because they are their to help each other. Perhaps I should have mentioned earlier, I am an analyzer and I like to look at all sides of the story. So which one is correct? Only God knows the hearts and the intentions of Judah and Simeon when they chose to fight together. If they chose to fight together because they did not believe God would be enough then they were wrong. If they chose to fight together because they wanted to support each other and help out each other then way to show the love bros. Who knows there reasons for fighting together. Perhaps we should give them the benefit of the doubt especially since they did win. I would guess their intentions could not have been horribly wrong since God did allow them to win the battles.
Judah continues to fight and win and The Lord was with Judah. Then the Bible says Judah was unable to drive out those who lived in the valley because the people there had iron chariots. Now anyone who has read the bible knows God would not allow iron chariots to stop Him if He wanted to give the land to His people. My thinking is perhaps this land was not for Judah to conquer. In Joshua 17:14-18, Joshua gives Joseph's descendants the valley with the people who owned iron chariots and Joshua told them they could drive out the Canaanites despite how strong they were or how many iron chariots they owned. In Joshua 17 Joseph's decedents expressed fear and doubt at the ability to over take the valley with the iron chariot dwellers. The chapter ends with Joshua assuring Joseph's tribes that they can defeat the Canaanites living in the valley. There is no documentation describing whether they believed Joshua after his little pep talk. Once you read in Judges 1 how Judah attempted to take over that section of the land it may make you wonder if Joseph's tribes failed to trust Joshua's words. Of course, it could have also been a completely different valley with completely different group of people owning iron chariots but if God had promised that land to Judah then I fully believe He would have driven out the people. I find it sad that Joseph's tribes did not trust God enough to claim all the land they were promised.
Just on a side note, Joseph's tribes are Ephraim and Manasseh but Joshua 17 simply says Joseph's decedents so the valley was apparently promised to both tribes which means they could have fought together and they were apparently still scared. Which fighting together apparently worked for Judah and Simeon because they conquered all the areas they fought with the exception of the valley with the people who owned iron chariots and that's because that was not their land.
In verse 21 of Judges 1, it begins to describe the failure of the tribe of Benjamin. It's one verse which reads The Benjaminites failed to drive out the people who were living in the land they were promised and they live among the Benjamites still. God told the Isrealites they were to drive out the people of the land. God did not want them living among the natives because He knew they would sway the Israelites loyalty and the Israelites would begin to worship the gods of the people of the land. In the last chapter of Joshua (Joshua's farewell address) Joshua warns the people about residing with the natives of the land and intermarrying with them. He told them they would become a snare for them if they allowed them to stay. Then Joshua had the Isrealites renew their covenant with God and they promised to worship only the Lord but they failed to drive out the people with their other gods. Then there is a brief moment of success when the house of Joseph drives out the people from Bethel then it goes right back to how Manasseh, Ephraim, Zebulun, Asher, and Naphtali all failed to drive out the people from the land they were promised. that's 5 tribes out of 12 who were promised an inheritance of the land and they failed to completely claim their inheritance. Some of the tribes did force the natives to be their servants and subdued them in that manner, but that was not God's intentions. God, did not tell the Isrealites to go into the land and subdue the people and make them your slaves. He told them to go and take possession of the land and to drive out the people and stay faithful to Him.
In the spiritual realm, often times we may get tired of fighting and find ourselves willing to settle just like the Isrealites did. However, we must stand strong and push through for our complete victory because if we do not then our compromise may come back to bite us like it did the Isrealites. Eventually the Isrealites lost their land and inheritance and lived in captivity time and time again because they did not drive out the people, they settled among them (which was their first compromise) then they began to make compromises regarding their worship. Settling among the people I am sure did not appear to be that big of a deal. I imagine they figured they were strong enough in their faith they could live among idolatry and be fine. However, God knew what would happen and that is why He gave the Isrealites strict instructions to drive out the people and destroy their false gods. Israelite compromised in what they saw as one minor area. This lead to other compromises which eventually destroyed their homes, deprived them of their inheritance, and caused them to endure multiple captivities. One so seemingly innocent compromise. We must be vigilant and willing to obey God COMPLETELY because He knows what is best for us.
Saturday, June 11, 2011
All we have to do is ask!
I went to church tonight and the preacher read from Luke 15, the prodigal son. This story is two-fold. It is about the prodigal son but it is also about the older brother. The youngest son realized he was part of the inheritance. The youngest son realized his place as a son of the father and thus one who inherits the father's belongings. However, the youngest son failed to be a loving son willing to serve his father. The oldest son was willing to serve the father but failed to recognize his place as the son and thus failed to see how all his father owned was also his.
Often times we as Christians fail to access all the gifts God has for us. Jesus healed the sick, raised the dead and cast out demons. God provided financial blessings, miracles, and peace of mind. In John 14:10-14, Jesus (who is the son of God) says He and the Father (God) are one. Jesus continues by saying if we believe in him then we will be able to to the things He has done and even greater things than these. Furthermore, Jesus informs us anything we request He will do. We can ask for anything in God's name and it will be done. ANYTHING! Not some things, not most things, ANYTHING! The younger son asked for the father's gifts then he wasted them. The oldest son never utilized the gifts his father had for him.
I can see how confused the father of this story would be when he left the party to go speak to the oldest son. The oldest son says to the father, "I have served you all these years and ya never even gave me a goat so I could celebrate with my friends." I could see the father's puzzled look on his face as he responded, "Ya never asked. I gave your younger brother almost half of everything I own. Your brother asked for his entire inheritance and I gave it to him. Don't ya think if you had asked for a goat, I would have given it to ya? I would have given ya the fatted calf if ya wanted it. Everything I have is yours, all ya had to do was ask."
The interesting thing is, according to Jewish customs, the oldest son received a larger portion of the inheritance than the younger sons. The oldest son actually had more right to ask because he owned more of the inheritance than his younger brother. He just failed to ask.
Now as Christians, all of the power, healing, peace, and wisdom that is God's is also ours because we are the sons and daughters of God. Everything God has is ours, all we have to do is ask. John 16:23-24 says "... I tell you, My Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive and your joy will be complete." I really like that last part, and your joy will be complete. It is not God's wish for us to live sad and depressed. He desires us to plunge into His gifts, soak up all the wonderful things He has for us that our joy might be complete.
ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS ASK!
Often times we as Christians fail to access all the gifts God has for us. Jesus healed the sick, raised the dead and cast out demons. God provided financial blessings, miracles, and peace of mind. In John 14:10-14, Jesus (who is the son of God) says He and the Father (God) are one. Jesus continues by saying if we believe in him then we will be able to to the things He has done and even greater things than these. Furthermore, Jesus informs us anything we request He will do. We can ask for anything in God's name and it will be done. ANYTHING! Not some things, not most things, ANYTHING! The younger son asked for the father's gifts then he wasted them. The oldest son never utilized the gifts his father had for him.
I can see how confused the father of this story would be when he left the party to go speak to the oldest son. The oldest son says to the father, "I have served you all these years and ya never even gave me a goat so I could celebrate with my friends." I could see the father's puzzled look on his face as he responded, "Ya never asked. I gave your younger brother almost half of everything I own. Your brother asked for his entire inheritance and I gave it to him. Don't ya think if you had asked for a goat, I would have given it to ya? I would have given ya the fatted calf if ya wanted it. Everything I have is yours, all ya had to do was ask."
The interesting thing is, according to Jewish customs, the oldest son received a larger portion of the inheritance than the younger sons. The oldest son actually had more right to ask because he owned more of the inheritance than his younger brother. He just failed to ask.
Now as Christians, all of the power, healing, peace, and wisdom that is God's is also ours because we are the sons and daughters of God. Everything God has is ours, all we have to do is ask. John 16:23-24 says "... I tell you, My Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive and your joy will be complete." I really like that last part, and your joy will be complete. It is not God's wish for us to live sad and depressed. He desires us to plunge into His gifts, soak up all the wonderful things He has for us that our joy might be complete.
ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS ASK!
Sunday, June 5, 2011
I was looking back to see if you were looking back to see if I was looking back to see if you were looking back at me
I was looking back to see, if you were looking back to see, if I was looking back to see if you were looking back at me. It something my mom use to say quite often and this quote came to mind when I started thinking today about how I haven't spoken to a certain friend in quite awhile. I was missing my friend and wondering if my friend was missing me. I was thinking about how long it had been since I had talked to my friend and I was feeling a tad bit lonely. There is a huge part of me that wonders if my friend feels lonely with out me being around. Of course, I haven't spoken to this friend because the last time I spoke to him, he pretty much blew me off, so I figured I would give him his space and when he needed me he would come around. Ya see, this is a cycle between us. I am typically the one who makes the effort to keep in contact, if I don't then we go long periods of time without speaking. That's how I know that he's not thinking about me and he's not missing me. The way I see it is if he missed my friendship and he noticed I had not contacted him in a while, then if he really missed our conversations then he would have made an effort to contact me, but he hasn't. He hasn't texts, no facebook messages, no posts, no IMs, nothing. However, I'm not surprised. We use to be such close friends, we were best friends but times change and people change and well lets face it, we have both changes a lost since college.
I know the next time he needs me for something, whether it's girlfriend problems, or a question about the bible or psychology then he'll come around and ask me like we had just talked yesterday, but until then, I won't hear a word. He'll never make the effort to just say hey. The next time I hear from him it will be because he wants something. And ya know what, I'll be there because that's what friends do. Even though often times I have asked him to help me with something and he blows me off telling me he doesn't have time but never making an effort to make time, I'll still be there because that's what friends do, at least that is what I do for my friends. He's not a bad kid. He puts up with me which is a handful all in itself. I just miss my friend. The one who was standing outside my window at some crazy early hour in the morning to ride with me to Fayetteville to attend a job fair, just because I didn't want to go by myself. I miss my friend who use to want to teach me how to build a computer. I miss my friend who yelled at me when I was upset because I didn't have a perfect 4.0 and I wasn't feeling smart enough. He yelled at me because even though I won't perfect, he still believed in me and believed I was smart enough and good enough to be successful at anything I wanted. Yeah and even though we may still be friends, it's not the same type of friendship.
I know I should just grow up and get over it. I've made a lot of strides, but there are times when I just miss the good ole days. I think the biggest problem is I have never gotten close enough to another person or been that comfortable around someone to develop a friendship that could replace his. I am not a social person and I don't make friends easily. I have very few people I call true friends. However, one the flip side, I am pretty sure he has replaced me with multiple people. He says we will always be friends and I am not saying we are not friends because I still consider him a friend. It's just that I miss being his real friend. I miss knowing I'm worth it.
I am 900+ miles away from my family and friends and it would be nice if once in a while it would be nice to get a text or heaven forbid, a call, just saying hey. Just letting me know I'm worth it. I'm worth taking a few moments out of your life to say hello. I'm worth making an effort to keep in contact. I'm worth it. I'm worth it.
In the midst of all of this though, I am reminded of the one person who truly does believe I am worth it. God has never left me nor forsaken me. He loves me and wants to be BFFs. Our friendship has not grown distant over the years, it has grown stronger, just like true friendships should and anytime our friendship has become distant it is because I have stopped making the effort I should to stay close because my God will never stop pursuing me and loving me. God thinks I'm worth it.
So even though I may miss my friend and miss the way things use to be, I am comforted by the one true friend who truly has never left me nor forsaken me. He loves me and He totally thinks I'm worth it.
I know the next time he needs me for something, whether it's girlfriend problems, or a question about the bible or psychology then he'll come around and ask me like we had just talked yesterday, but until then, I won't hear a word. He'll never make the effort to just say hey. The next time I hear from him it will be because he wants something. And ya know what, I'll be there because that's what friends do. Even though often times I have asked him to help me with something and he blows me off telling me he doesn't have time but never making an effort to make time, I'll still be there because that's what friends do, at least that is what I do for my friends. He's not a bad kid. He puts up with me which is a handful all in itself. I just miss my friend. The one who was standing outside my window at some crazy early hour in the morning to ride with me to Fayetteville to attend a job fair, just because I didn't want to go by myself. I miss my friend who use to want to teach me how to build a computer. I miss my friend who yelled at me when I was upset because I didn't have a perfect 4.0 and I wasn't feeling smart enough. He yelled at me because even though I won't perfect, he still believed in me and believed I was smart enough and good enough to be successful at anything I wanted. Yeah and even though we may still be friends, it's not the same type of friendship.
I know I should just grow up and get over it. I've made a lot of strides, but there are times when I just miss the good ole days. I think the biggest problem is I have never gotten close enough to another person or been that comfortable around someone to develop a friendship that could replace his. I am not a social person and I don't make friends easily. I have very few people I call true friends. However, one the flip side, I am pretty sure he has replaced me with multiple people. He says we will always be friends and I am not saying we are not friends because I still consider him a friend. It's just that I miss being his real friend. I miss knowing I'm worth it.
I am 900+ miles away from my family and friends and it would be nice if once in a while it would be nice to get a text or heaven forbid, a call, just saying hey. Just letting me know I'm worth it. I'm worth taking a few moments out of your life to say hello. I'm worth making an effort to keep in contact. I'm worth it. I'm worth it.
In the midst of all of this though, I am reminded of the one person who truly does believe I am worth it. God has never left me nor forsaken me. He loves me and wants to be BFFs. Our friendship has not grown distant over the years, it has grown stronger, just like true friendships should and anytime our friendship has become distant it is because I have stopped making the effort I should to stay close because my God will never stop pursuing me and loving me. God thinks I'm worth it.
So even though I may miss my friend and miss the way things use to be, I am comforted by the one true friend who truly has never left me nor forsaken me. He loves me and He totally thinks I'm worth it.
Saturday, June 4, 2011
I can't believe it's almost been a month since I lasted posted. Things have been busy in my life, which is to be expected when you are working 3 jobs. I really thought things would settle down some after April, it did towards the end of May, but then I was just enjoying the moment so much I didn't want to take time to blog. However, here I am now just writing and thinking away. Lately I have really been trying to work on securing a job (one full time job preferably) in NC. I miss home. I came here for school, I finished school, got 3 jobs and proved I can do it, but now I'm ready. There will be things I miss about being here. I have made some connections but my family is in the south and so are my roots. You can take the girl out of the south but you can't take the south out of the girl. My dad has encouraged me multiple times to come back home. He even told me he had this feeling I was in danger. My dad is not a worrier like that and I have never heard my dad express concern the way he did when he told me that. It freaked me out really. Fortunately, I'm still kicking and nothing has happened. Thank the Lord for His protection.
I'd really like to be home by August of this year. I am not sure what God's plans are for me right now. I don't feel an urge to stay like I did a few months ago when I applied for a job in NC. I knew I would not get the job because I realized God was not finished with me here yet. However, I am not feeling that pull to stay anymore so I am wondering if that means it is time to move on. Some times it is so hard to tell with God. I wish He would just stick a post it note on my door for me with a list and time frame of the things He would like me to accomplish. I suppose that would kind of remove the whole "Having Faith" concept. I want to trust God and I feel I have gotten better at it (depending on the day) but it is hard sometimes because you don't want to make a mistake and leave and be out of God's will and you don't want to make the mistake and stay and be out of God's will. It's tough but that's when I just pray and say whatever God. Whatever and whenever. A few months ago I kept looking for a "sign" every time something happened I would think maybe that's a sign I should go, or perhaps that means I should stay. Finally, I just gave up and I told God it was ridiculous for me to search for signs and I was done driving myself crazy looking for signs from Him and when He got ready He would let me know when it was time to move on. Looking for signs was just too much. It became overwhelming because everything contradicted each other. One really great day at church, but then a really rough day at work, then the next week it might be completely reversed. It was just too much. I had to give it up or I was going to drive myself insane!
The great thing about God is He will let us know, we just have to make sure we are listening. Sometimes we talk to God so much that we never shut up long enough to hear what He has to say. Just like Elijah, God does not always speak in the loud wind or the thunder or the earthquake. God speaks in a still small voice and if you are not quiet then you will miss it. Ya see, God gave ya 2 ears and one mouth for a reason. We should be listening twice as much as we speak. Easier said than done, I know, believe me I KNOW!! However, if we are seeking God's guidance it is what is required.
However, sometimes it just don't matter to God. I am not saying He doesn't care, because of course He cares, but sometimes it don't matter to Him what job we work or where we live or even what church we attend. As long as He is still 1st in our lives and follow Him whole heartedly then He is pleased. I believe there are times when God has one specific path for us, where as other times I believe there may be several paths and God just says take the one you want because I am going to bless you wherever you go. These are sometimes the most difficult ones because we not only have to trust God but we must also trust ourselves. I don't know about you but that's a scary thought for me. Trusting God is one thing but trusting myself is a different story. When I find myself feeling overwhelmed with the thought of having to make a decision for my own life i like to practice some reverse psychology on myself. I flip it around and tell myself how privileged I am that God would trust me enough to make my choice. God has confidence in me that I am not going to totally ruin my life and believes whatever choice I make, I will always keep Him 1st. It always makes me feel more confident and better able to make a decision.
So next time you are stuck with a choice and/or seeking God's guidance be sure to get quiet, listen for God's still small voice and trust yourself to make the right decision. :) Good luck
I'd really like to be home by August of this year. I am not sure what God's plans are for me right now. I don't feel an urge to stay like I did a few months ago when I applied for a job in NC. I knew I would not get the job because I realized God was not finished with me here yet. However, I am not feeling that pull to stay anymore so I am wondering if that means it is time to move on. Some times it is so hard to tell with God. I wish He would just stick a post it note on my door for me with a list and time frame of the things He would like me to accomplish. I suppose that would kind of remove the whole "Having Faith" concept. I want to trust God and I feel I have gotten better at it (depending on the day) but it is hard sometimes because you don't want to make a mistake and leave and be out of God's will and you don't want to make the mistake and stay and be out of God's will. It's tough but that's when I just pray and say whatever God. Whatever and whenever. A few months ago I kept looking for a "sign" every time something happened I would think maybe that's a sign I should go, or perhaps that means I should stay. Finally, I just gave up and I told God it was ridiculous for me to search for signs and I was done driving myself crazy looking for signs from Him and when He got ready He would let me know when it was time to move on. Looking for signs was just too much. It became overwhelming because everything contradicted each other. One really great day at church, but then a really rough day at work, then the next week it might be completely reversed. It was just too much. I had to give it up or I was going to drive myself insane!
The great thing about God is He will let us know, we just have to make sure we are listening. Sometimes we talk to God so much that we never shut up long enough to hear what He has to say. Just like Elijah, God does not always speak in the loud wind or the thunder or the earthquake. God speaks in a still small voice and if you are not quiet then you will miss it. Ya see, God gave ya 2 ears and one mouth for a reason. We should be listening twice as much as we speak. Easier said than done, I know, believe me I KNOW!! However, if we are seeking God's guidance it is what is required.
However, sometimes it just don't matter to God. I am not saying He doesn't care, because of course He cares, but sometimes it don't matter to Him what job we work or where we live or even what church we attend. As long as He is still 1st in our lives and follow Him whole heartedly then He is pleased. I believe there are times when God has one specific path for us, where as other times I believe there may be several paths and God just says take the one you want because I am going to bless you wherever you go. These are sometimes the most difficult ones because we not only have to trust God but we must also trust ourselves. I don't know about you but that's a scary thought for me. Trusting God is one thing but trusting myself is a different story. When I find myself feeling overwhelmed with the thought of having to make a decision for my own life i like to practice some reverse psychology on myself. I flip it around and tell myself how privileged I am that God would trust me enough to make my choice. God has confidence in me that I am not going to totally ruin my life and believes whatever choice I make, I will always keep Him 1st. It always makes me feel more confident and better able to make a decision.
So next time you are stuck with a choice and/or seeking God's guidance be sure to get quiet, listen for God's still small voice and trust yourself to make the right decision. :) Good luck
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