I am trying...

I am trying to learn how to open up, risk being hurt, experience that hurt and not go running back into my shell and speak all manner of evil against that person who hurt me. I am trying to learn how to be hurt and not take it out on the rest of the world, or be hurt and not run away from the world. 


I am trying not to generalize and believe just because a few people have hurt me than everyone is going to hurt me. I am trying not to jump to conclusions when I have been hurt and give that person a chance to explain themselves before I make my decision. 


I am trying not to blow things out of proportion in my mind by selecting the worst case scenario and playing it again and again in my head. I am trying not to practice what I am going to say to the person and how I am going to defend myself when the conversation becomes uncomfortable or I learn something that may change things


I am trying to learn how to recover after being hurt by letting go and be thankful for the positives I gained from the experience and stop beating myself up for not seeing it coming or becoming angry with myself because I opened up myself which made me vulnerable to be hurt. 


I am trying not to hold a grudge against the person who hurt me and seek revenge through jabbing sarcastic comments. 


I am trying to learn how to love, be hurt, and still love regardless. I am trying. I am not human if I have never been hurt. If I never open up to be hurt than I will never open up to be loved. I have to decide which is worse to love and be loved and then be hurt or to never be hurt but never be loved either. I am trying to learn how to love even though I know I risk being hurt. I am trying. It's not easy, but I believe it will be worth it.